D3 body, D1 cock
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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