i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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