True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
