Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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