Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
