OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
