I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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