I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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