he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
