I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i believe in u and ur pee
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
