Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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