no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
