the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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