were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
