Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
