He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
