i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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