Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
