if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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