honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
