I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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