i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
