my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
