You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
