um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So vagazzling was a success
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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