do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
