Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
