I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
