UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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