i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
