My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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