The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
