he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
