i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need moral support for this bender
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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