You smell like stripper and shame
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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