I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
