Where is the hickey?
I want to make a zoo with you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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