I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
