I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
