Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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