Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
