toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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