well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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