i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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