just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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