I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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