I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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