I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
