i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
