Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
