he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
