I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
