i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
