i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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