So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
